To the (insert adjective of your choice here) in the gray Corolla this morning

"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94) 03/17/2016 at 13:29 • Filed to: Stereotypical Corolla drivers

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No, you don’t need to get into the left lane at that speed when there’s nothing in front of you.

No, you don’t need to keep tapping your brakes through that rough stretch. It just makes it worse.

No you don’t need to start speeding up AFTER I’ve passed you.

No you don’t need to honk after deliberately trying to shrink the gap when I need to get back in to get by the next pack of trucks. Number one, I know where my truck is, you had lots of room. Fuck you. Number two, I was going as fast as I wanted, and it was sufficient to get back in front of you. I’m not going to go faster than I need to just because you’re trying to push me around. Fuck you again.

Dick.

You may now resume your day

Shoop > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 03/17/2016 at 13:35

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This is why it’s nice to have a beat up 2500hd. You just look once then merge, woe be to those who try to hold their ground.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 03/17/2016 at 13:37

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I think “mung bean” is deserving of use as an epithet. Gender neutral, sounds funny AND incredibly insulting, and calls to mind an odd-smelling little blob of aimless weird. “Very nutritious, but they smell like death”:

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Shoop 03/17/2016 at 13:40

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Well, either someone gives or you crash. The trick is knowing when to chicken out. I don’t take shit from Corollas, they give up really easy.

I find if you just smoothly move in without hesitation, 95% of people will give ground. Even if they don’t need to. Wait, and they’ll close the gap.

I sympathise 100%, if someone just up and says “fuck you, I’m coming in” I see it as a sign of enough confidence that they aren’t going to bother me. If they take too long, I’ll take the opportunity to block them out.

Ross Kraz > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 03/17/2016 at 13:42

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Adjective? Why would I put a describing word there?

“To the sexy in the gray corolla this morning”

“To the shiny in the gray corolla this morning”

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Ross Kraz 03/17/2016 at 13:49

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“Said no-one ever”

Milky > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 03/17/2016 at 13:57

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Everyone knows I want a small convertible, but I often think one of these would make my commute a lot easier.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Milky 03/17/2016 at 14:02

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A friend of mine—who has a history of interactions with the cops (there have been several occasions when the only reason he was allowed to keep his license was because he depends on driving for his livelihood)—picked up an ex-cop Crown Vic. No more tickets until he overheated it and had to move on to something else.

So yeah, much easier.

marshknute > Milky 03/17/2016 at 14:03

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I can’t decide if that would be a blessing or a curse. On one hand, people stay out of your way and are on their best behavior. On the other, you’ll be stuck behind people doing the speed limit.

StoneCold > Ross Kraz 03/17/2016 at 14:03

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I wanted to say this too, but it’d be like going the speed limit in the passing lane. It’ll only make him angrier.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > StoneCold 03/17/2016 at 14:12

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Why should it make me angry? Use whatever word you want. I’ve got my rant out, I’m happy again :)

Milky > marshknute 03/17/2016 at 14:18

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Thats the beauty of Detroit though, no one does the speed limit.

But on days when the highway is blocked up I go straight through the hood. Not sure how a white boy bombing through hood in a cop car would go over.

EDIT: also not sure how a white boy bombing through the hood in a little convertible would go over either.

Milky > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 03/17/2016 at 14:20

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Maybe once I have a need for backseat I’ll take a closer look at them. “No more tickets” sounds real nice.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Milky 03/17/2016 at 14:28

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Of course that’s not a guarantee, but considering the test subject I’d say it improves the odds almost infinitely :)